It’s so beautiful outside! Oh man, it’s supposed to hit 27 C (81 F) on Thursday! It was a man-scaping day. (Too much info? Too bad, I dig TMI, and this is tame.) Gotta get ready for the sun. Trimmer got a workout. Yup, went from the winter beard to the spring chin-strap/goatie combo. I coulda just taken a photo I guess. But I didn’t. Another month and I’ll be down the pencil thin lines for summer. My dad surprised me the other day when he told me that my summer “do” is his fave. Coming from a guy who’s had a full beard since he was around 20, I just assumed that’d be his preference. You know the style I mean; like the douches on Jersey Shore. What a piss-off. I have been shaving like that for almost 15 years, and then these putzes come along and make it popular. Thanks a lot.
I rarely wear a shirt when I’m cooking. I mean usually I do when I’m at other peoples’ houses. Usually. But don’t worry, I keep the chest hair trimmed, so you don’t have to worry about that in your food.
I think it’s pretty clear that I’m running on little sleep today. I feel like my filter is broken. Haha, I still have the window open in my browser used to confirm the spelling of “putzes”. Thanks Google, always there when I need you.
Let’s just get to the food, shall we?
I had no idea that Paleo crackers would be so easy and good. Good crunchy snacks is what I crave. I’m the chip guy. Forget the sweets, just let me have some salt. Got that from Dad for sure. But salty and sweet is the magic combination, right? That’s how McDonald’s makes their “food” that hook millions. I had an onion jam a few years ago, and ever since I’ve been wanting to do something with it. You’re in luck: today’s the day. Major success. Keep it in mind for when you need a sweet topping in the future.
I thought that I’d be able to avoid this day a little longer. I realized that I need to get a food processor. Usually I can get away with a Magic Bullet or my Cuisinart immersion blender, but for this recipe they didn’t work that well. The immersion blender was a disaster actually, and the Magic Bullet was just too small. So hopefully you’ve got a food processor because that would have made this super easy.
- 2 cups almond flour
- 1-2 large jalapeno(s) (cut into small pieces)
- ¼ cup nutritional yeast
- 1 egg
- ¼ tsp salt
- Combine all ingredients in a food processor until a dough consistency is formed.
- Sandwich the dough between 2 pieces of parchment paper and roll out to appropriate cracker thickness.
- Cut into 1 ½ inch squares with a knife (or pizza cutter).
- I recommend using a pizza stone if you have one, otherwise just place on a cookie sheet (keep on bottom sheet of parchment).
- Cook at 350 C for 12-15 minutes until brown and crispy. You may need to remove the outer crackers part-way through, as they will cook faster. It’s ok, you can munch on those while everyone else waits for the pretty square crackers. Quality control.
- Serve warm or cold.
- 1-2 large onion(s)
- 1 Tbsp coconut oil
- 1-2 Tbsp vinegar (I tried balsamic and apple cider vinegar, and both were fantastic)
- Slice onion in ¼ inch width or smaller, then chop into 2-inch lengths.
- In a saucepan combine coconut oil and onion.
- Cook on the lowest setting, stirring occasionally, until onions are soft. I had mine covered and cooked for 4-5 hours until they were soft and caramelized – dark and sweet (like me! Haha). I could have cooked them even longer to let the onion soften even more, but they were nice and sweet and I wanted them to maintain a little structure.
- Add vinegar and continue to cook until vinegar is soaked up.
- Serve with crackers or over meat, hot or cold.